This board has been transferred to www.wsc.co.uk,

    why not join us there

One Touch Football - Archive   
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» One Touch Football - Archive » Football » The 'I'm not sure I can take the excitement' NPL Div1 North run in thread (Page 2)

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!   This topic comprises 3 pages: 1  2  3   
Author Topic: The 'I'm not sure I can take the excitement' NPL Div1 North run in thread
Don Malhumorado
Member
Member # 63

 - posted      Profile for Don Malhumorado     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It's a good effort, I thought.

On that Mark 'Em Tight website I linked to, there's a picture of a flag display they did against FC United earlier in the season. It's slightly more impressive, but loses marks from me due to the lack of parcel tape. And that the flags aren't made rom bath towels.

Posts: 14591 | From: Paper Street | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
twohundredpercent
Member
Member # 1637

 - posted      Profile for twohundredpercent     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I remain unconvinced about this money that they're rumoured to have.
Posts: 4298 | From: Sussex By The Sea | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Don Malhumorado
Member
Member # 63

 - posted      Profile for Don Malhumorado     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
They're planning to build a stadium that seats 20k. They must have some poke behind them. Only rich people are that insanely optimistic and stupid.
Posts: 14591 | From: Paper Street | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Don Malhumorado
Member
Member # 63

 - posted      Profile for Don Malhumorado     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My girlfriend went to Ikea yesterday and bought a new bed, a new mattress, a new wardrobe, some 'storage solutions', a duvet, some pillows, and a new bed set thing. I managed to get out of going by sleeping and refusing to move. I can't deal with Ikea at the best of times, let alone on a bank holiday.

All the guff was delivered today, and I set to work putting it up. It isn't too difficult, ikea stuff. I'd thrown it up in no time, ignoring a few bits that didn't fit, some screws too big for their holes, and a seriously mangled thumb from a screwdriving injury.

It got to the putting the mattress on and ignoring the whole precariously wobbly bed stage. We unwrapped the mattress, going past the point of no return policy only to find a foot long wooden stake sticking out of it.

"Fuck." We said in unison.

It was decided that rather than deal with sending back the mattress, and getting a new, we'd pretend there was nowt wrong with it. So, between us, we prised it out, like that royal fella from the Sword in the Stone, and flipped the mattress over so we'd never have to see or worry about the hole.

Which was when we noticed the mattress was completely the wrong size for the bed. A quick investigation uncovered a few desperate facts. They'd sent us the wrong bed. They'd sent us the wrong mattress. They'd sent us the wrong 'storage' solutions. I may have to disassemble the bed for 'uplift' back to Croydon. I may have to build another bed. I may never forgive those Swedish fucks for this terrible happening.

What, I can hear you typing, has this to do with the NPL run-in? Well nothing. There is no clever metaphor coming. There is no moral to learn. Nothing. I just don't want to have to think about the football on top of all this flat-pack based lunacy.

Radcliffe Borough, who are bottom of the league and have only won four times in the league this season, who beat us 3-1 in the cup on Monday, have again managed to foil us. Fuck bogey team, Radcliffe aren't just bogey, they're spit, shit, piss and blood too.

Two all. And we came from behind twice. Two fucking all. Which means the team that can't win against anyone ever, have not lost to us yet this season.

Fuck the league table update. I'll do it later. I've spent enough time trying to assemble a fucking bed and wardrobe set today, there's no fucking way I can be arsed making a table as well. Certainly not one as wonky as the NPL div 1 North.

Posts: 14591 | From: Paper Street | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Don Malhumorado
Member
Member # 63

 - posted      Profile for Don Malhumorado     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Ever get the feeling you're talking to yourself, Don?

Aye. But it's the only way to get intelligent conversation round here.

And so this thread trundles on safe in the knowledge that the only two visitors in the past half an hour are me, and 1 guest. But we don't care. We're here for the one part shits and the two parts giggles.

One thing that is grating is that while all the other inferior, non league threads are receiving WSC's coveted post of the day, mine is getting ignored like a beggar on the South Bank. And while awards aren't what this thread is about, a bit of recognition never hurt anyone.

Which is why, now I'm over my DIY and football inspired hissy fit, I'm going to offer a hearty round of applause to Radcliffe Borough, in particular their dead-eye, hot-shot goalscorer Steve Howson. Well played boys.

So here's the table I promised:

code:
 
P GD Pts
1 Skelmersdale United 34 41 67
2 Bradford PA 32 37 65
3 Curzon Ashton 33 28 63
4 Bamber Bridge 32 10 57
5 FC United 29 29 56
6 Garforth Town 36 6 55
7 Ossett Albion 32 13 53

So, having seen this, I have again readjusted my views on who is to be promoted, and decided it will by BPA not Skem. But who knows where my mind will be (in the gutter probably) after today's scintillating round of matches? Here's the big ones for everyone - and by everyone I of course mean Don Malhumorado and 1 guest - to watch out for:

Chorley v Bamber Bridge

In a division of local derbys, here's one of the more local. Can Bamber Bridge put an end to their recent slide in form with victory over lowly Chorley? I, and OTF's PR7th Heaven will be hoping not.

Clitheroe v Bradford Park Avenue

I know a guy from Clitheroe, but he's a Blackburn Rovers fan. Until he was 22 he'd never been on a train. When he finally did go on one, to a job interview in Milton Keynes, he got in all sorts of trouble. He missed his stop and so ran to what he thought was the driver's cabin, flung the door open, and shouted "STOP T'TRAIN. I'm GOING TO MISS T'INTERVIEW." or however he speaks. Everyone looked at him dead funny, as he was stood in the middle of the kitchen in the buffet carriage.

Curzon Ashton v Lancaster City

I don't expect any favours from the team from one of my many my spiritual homes. Lancaster were challenging for promotion up until quite recently, but now they're down in ninth. Ok, they're only five points behind us, but they've played half a season more than we have. Curzon Ashton will win, and Mike Norton will probably score a goal or two.

Skelmersdale United v Bridlington Town

I know fuck all about Bridlington Town accept that they're even lower than Chorley are. Fuck me, these fixtures are making for grim viewing today. I expect them all to go to form.

Except, perhaps,

Woodley Sports v FC United of Manchester

Which we'll probably draw. Optimism a few weeks back has turned sour quicker than milk in the midday sun. We've forgotten how to play football. Rory Patterson has got a sulk on. Stuart Rudd is struggling for form and fitness. Everyone looks fucking knackered. And the world and their dog are plotting against us like a load of Roman Catholics from the early 1600s. OK, I made the last one up in a pathetic attempt to deflect the attention of us, but whatchoogonnado?

Posts: 14591 | From: Paper Street | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
twohundredpercent
Member
Member # 1637

 - posted      Profile for twohundredpercent     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Lancaster have done reasonably well to stabilise this season, after last year's little disaster.

How many more have they got to play? Is it 40 in total?

Posts: 4298 | From: Sussex By The Sea | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Don Malhumorado
Member
Member # 63

 - posted      Profile for Don Malhumorado     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It's a forty-two game season, so thirteen left for FC United to play. In the space of 33 days.
Posts: 14591 | From: Paper Street | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
twohundredpercent
Member
Member # 1637

 - posted      Profile for twohundredpercent     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Excellent. How come they're so tired, when they've only played two-thirds of their season?
Posts: 4298 | From: Sussex By The Sea | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Don Malhumorado
Member
Member # 63

 - posted      Profile for Don Malhumorado     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Good question, and not one I'm sure I can answer.
Posts: 14591 | From: Paper Street | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Don Malhumorado
Member
Member # 63

 - posted      Profile for Don Malhumorado     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I guess mainly due to the fact they're part-timers, train twice a week at best, and may not have even been able to do that with the run of games we've been having recently. We went so long without a game, and then forced so many in to so short a space of time that we were bound to struggle. A few players have just come back from long term injury and lack match fitness, and a couple of players have been carrying niggling injuries.
Posts: 14591 | From: Paper Street | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Don Malhumorado
Member
Member # 63

 - posted      Profile for Don Malhumorado     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Chorley 0 - 1 Bamber Bridge
Clitheroe 0 - 1 BPA
Curzon Ashton 2 - 1 Lancaster City
Woodley Sports 1 - 2 FC United of Manchester

So results did go according to form, as I expected they would. And we very nearly failed to win again, needing a last minute overhead kick from Stuart Rudd to win us the game. It was his first goal since 29th September at came at a time where we couldn't see where the goals were going to come from.

Woodley, playing on their artificial turf, took the lead straight after half-time. I was going too say there was a whiff of hand-ball about it, but that would be wrong. There wasn't. It fucking reeked of handball. The Woodley player punched it in to the net and was so embarrassed be barely celebrated. The only thing that stunk more than the handball was the ref himself: at one point he gave a freekick when the Woodley goalkeeper and defender collided with each other without an FC United player within ten yards of them.

But we won. And we scored another late goal, making a mockery of my suggestion that all the players are knackered. If we hadn't won that, we could have kissed goodbye to our automatic promotion hopes. Kissed them goodbye with tongues and a cheeky, under the jumper breast squeeze.

Posts: 14591 | From: Paper Street | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Don Malhumorado
Member
Member # 63

 - posted      Profile for Don Malhumorado     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I forgot:

Skelmersdale United 5 - 0 Bridlington Town

Posts: 14591 | From: Paper Street | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ursus arctos
Member
Member # 1452

 - posted      Profile for ursus arctos     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
So, is that team with the bear on its badge still in this league?

And has Croute seen the picture of the "Ultras" on the last page? He HAS to send it to all his hardcore friends. The peals of laughter on Mouvement Ultra and Tifonet will be audible worldwide.

Posts: 18670 | From: mediolanum | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gangster Octopus
Member
Member # 49

 - posted      Profile for Gangster Octopus     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
I know fuck all about Bridlington Town
I once saw them win at Wembley. The stadium, that is, not the club...
Posts: 20721 | From: Far away, without a city wall | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Don Malhumorado
Member
Member # 63

 - posted      Profile for Don Malhumorado     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
We've been promoted since playing Congleton I'm afraid, Ursus. The best I can do for you is Harrogate Railway:

 -

Posts: 14591 | From: Paper Street | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
  This topic comprises 3 pages: 1  2  3   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | WSC

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.2

    This board has been transferred to www.wsc.co.uk,

    why not join us there