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Author Topic: 400 channels of arse
steveeeeeeeee
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Is the only description I can give for Sky Digital, and yet now I've tasted it, I doubt I could live without it. For some reason whenever I'm flicking through the myriad of channels there seems to be a general rule, the crapper the station the more I watch it.

So I'm going to dedicate this thread to two TV channels that have changed the way I look at broadcasting, they being Friendly TV and BEN, which I presume stands for Black Entertainment Network.

Friendly TV works on the premise that the viewers, all 3 of them, will text inspirational ideas to the presenters and give them something to talk about. So what you get is there music show, hosted by a young, not particularly attractive girl asking you to text your thoughts about music, those thoughts are usually "I LIKE R KELLY" or "BEYONCE IS A SLUT" and the occasional hopeful request of "SHOW US YR TITS". Sometimes you're lucky to even get a presenter at all. There was meant to be a movie show on Sunday afternoon, I tuned in only to see an empty sofa and a few members of the production crew standing around nattering on about the presenter being stuck on a train and whether they should nominate someone to stand in. The cameras still rolled but the TXT MSGS were absent.

So when Friendly TV is letting me down I switch down a few channels to BEN. Every programme on BEN is shot on an archaic camcorder producing picture quality the likes of which hasn't been seen since the recording of my school nativity play. As far as I can tell, every program features a group of Nigerian women in a room talking, about what I do not know as the sound quality is so poor it is almost indecipherable. The music show on BEN is called Intro and yesterday featured an African guy playing You ain't nothing but a hounddog on a keyboard.

Sod your Sky Movimax or Film 4, this is what digital TV is all about. So can anyone else recommend some satellite gold lurking out there in digital broadcasting land?

[ 22-07-2003, 14:59: Message edited by: steveeeeeeeee ]

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Ginger Yellow
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There's about five stations that do the presenter/text thing, although not all the time. It's quite possibly the most boring TV in the world. Apart from Fashion TV (Channel 220 I think). Footage of models walking up and down catwalks. 24 hours a day.

Like you I despair of the vast majority of what's on Digital Sky, but having moved out last Friday I miss it already. There's sod all decent TV on terrestrial after midnight. At least Discovery Home and Leisure (I think that's what it's called, it's channels 134 and 135 anyway) always had repeats of Late Night Poker on.

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steveeeeeeeee
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Yeah, I've been getting into Fashion TV as well, just because it's so naff and unfashionable. Again, even though they broadcast digitally their recording and audio facilities seem firmly trapped in the days of analogue.

Basically anything around the ITV2 or Eurosport region is where I flick, usually when the ad breaks come up during the Tour de France.

The most annoying thin is when you start to flick during an add break and get engrossed in a bit of AVAGO TV, or some such sh1te and then realise about 15 minutes later that you've actually missed something you wanted to watch.

Another thing that annoys me is the red dot in the top right hand corner of the screen, on Channel 4 it's a huge big message, is there any way to get rid of that?

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The Quiet Man
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Yeah, turn your telly off.
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Peter O'Hanraha-hanrahan
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Press "Back Up".

One of the worst channels, in my view, is P-Rock TV (461). A music channel that prides itself on playing "real music", which seems to amount to nothing but crap ska/punk/skate-punk/nu-metal/etc bands that I've never heard of.

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steveeeeeeeee
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No way Justin! I've got digital TV with every channel for 3 weeks and I'm going to use it.

Actually, the music channels are brilliant. You're totally spoilt for choice, MTV2, Kerrang TV and The Amp are all really good, The Amp is sort of like The Box, but it plays alternative music. However, like The Box, it plays the same 10 or so songs non-stop drilling them into your brain.

There's another one called Scuzz or something, that's quite good as well, a bit more goth than Kerrang TV.

Actually, Kerrang TV keeps playing this song by Kid Rock and Sheryll Crowe, and I can honestly say I think it's the worst song I've ever heard.

edit: Thanks for the "backup" advice Art.

[ 22-07-2003, 15:21: Message edited by: steveeeeeeeee ]

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bryanattoni
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I like the vast collection of radio stations.
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Nishlord
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You must scour every Asian channel for the Himalayan Carpets advert, and the one for the estate agents on Brick Lane which uses the Rocky theme tune, quite possibly without permission. And Indian Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. And Whatter's Crazeee Saturday on Ideal World. And a Telethon on one of the bible-bashing channels (heartbreakingly, with Candi Statton as one of the hosts). And The Dating Channel.

Sadly, the glory days of satellite TV were 10 years ago, when you could get old TOTP on UK Gold every night, 5 different wrestling federations, The Oom-Pah-Pah Channel, Japanese heavy metal band dressed up as Genghis Khan, Jeopardy, and millions of horrifically unerotic and hilarious German soft porn films from the 70s. All in the same hour.

Don't bother with...

UK Gold (unless you like The Bill)
Fox News (unless you want to put something through the telly)
QVC (they sell nothing but beauty and jewellery shite nowadays)
75% of the music channels
Any of the BBC channels

[ 22-07-2003, 15:40: Message edited by: Nishlord ]

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Spock na Escada
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I've been thinking about getting satellite. There's about 600 shops down the road which sell the gear. A 1.5m dish, a head with four feeds (so I can split the cost with three other flats), cables and installation works out about $100, plus $100 for the digital decoder. The shops provide the digital 'cards' free. Yup, satellite piracy.
The only thing that's stopping me is that I have the TV on all day for Turkish news and like hell do I want to spend my spare time watching. Wouldn't mind having acceess to BBC world and Discovery though.

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hobbes
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My personal favourite is available on Freeview too. Bid-Up TV. It's utterly, unbelievably, bottom-jaw-hanging-openly crass but you can't pull your eyes away, like watching a car crash or olympic curling.

For those who don't know, every hour there are about 10 "lots" of complete tat that you phone in bids for. It's fronted by the dregs of humanity. The banter and the absolute relenless nature of the presentation is just addictive. I haven't bid for anything though... Yet...

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The Mighty Belgian
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I've got a digibox and dish out here for the free-to-air channels (soon to be reduced to just BBC), without which I would go spare as German telly is, to put it mildly, dogshit.

A combination of the BBC channels and various radio stations through my telly have helped to keep me sane for the last year or two, I honestly would be all at sea if I lost them.

That said, a couple of mates have got the full Sky package and don't half watch a lot of rubbish. Mind you, when I come in from the pub and do a bit of channel-hopping, even gobarkingmad abd the Bible channel can be quite compelling viewing.

[ 22-07-2003, 16:56: Message edited by: The Mighty Belgian ]

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My name is Mumpo
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must remember to get my freeview box in time for peter davison's 'doctor who' episodes to come round again on uk gold.

well, is there any other reason to get one? except to tranquilise my daughter with c-beebies.

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hobbes
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UK Gold isn't on Freeview Mumpo. Save your money for a dish. I would but we're not allowed. Building regs and all that.
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My name is Mumpo
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grr. i think i'll save my money for the dvd's instead.
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Phoebe Disco
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What's on now:

BEN currently have a scrolling advert for "Nigeria vs Venezuela - live at Watford's Vicarage Lane (sic)"

A really bad Marianne Faithfull concert on Performance.

A 15 minute advert for Lipstick on TV SHOP

The ever-expanding Debbie Flint selling Atkins Diet videos on Shop America

Bidup.tv are having a Warehouse Clearance, and the presenters are trying to sell us Ratners quality chains for £458 in really bad American adverts.

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