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» One Touch Football - Archive » World » Haven't these bastards seen Blue Thunder yet?

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Author Topic: Haven't these bastards seen Blue Thunder yet?
ian .64
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In a world where the fledgling robot is in stages of creation, where we can exceed the bounds of the solar system to observe mountains of interstellar gas in frightening detail at the other side of the Universe and where scientists contemplate the possibilities of nanotechnology, it's still a mystery why they haven't made police helicopters with 'whisper modes' as in the enjoyable 1982 thriller, where Roy Scheider commandeered a futuristically-technological craft that would combat crime and be able to look at women's breasts.

I say this because at 2.30 until 3.05 this morning, I was kept awake by the Chainsaw Philharmonia of Lodz, playing a Chopin Etude (which is if 'etude' meant 'teeth-grindingly loud'), which interrupted a dream where I was nonchalantly chucking pebbles and stale crust at the feet of Christopher Ecclestone, who stared at me with dagger-like contempt.

On awaking, I silently gave encouragement to those brave custodians of the law who were intent on bringing to book those unjust felons they were rigorously persuing. Actually, my thoughts were: what in the fucking world is that fucking racket, and why is it that the London Blitz is being sonically re-enacted in Bilston? What the fuck is that noise?

There had been, obviously, fuzzflights before, but these lasted only the best part of five minutes and the sound of 'copter engines were only distracting at best, before they went on their way in continuance of their hovery duties.

This was grating, as if Jerry Bruckheimer thought 'I wonder what would happen if I took all the sound effects from all my films and plonked them into a Bilston street at 2.30 in the morning?'. Well, Jerry, I thank you for it and am completely grateful you didn't throw in Martin Lawrence for good measure.

Or was this something a bit more cynical, where bored helicopter pilots were given a night of piss-taking by a sympathetic sergeant who gave them carte-blanche to hover any where they liked at full blast as long as it wasn't anywhere near the wife and kids?

Where is this 'whisper mode' technology that ensures a good night's sleep and yet fulfils the requirements of chasing the fleeing scumbag? Why can't the police copter engage the services of Derren Brown and, whilst villain-nabbing in the early hours, broadcast his voice to a napping public that says 'I want you to listen to me and I want you to go back to sleep at the count of ten. You will wake up at seven o'clock refreshed, bright and will make parrot noises for two minutes whenever someone says "sandwich".'?

Thanks for reading and I'll be back next week, when I explain, none-too-confidently, why there's something horribly irritating about the BBC7 radio show, 'The Remains of Foley and McColl', and why the person who designed the interior of the Metro tram has probably never been on public transport and so must be thrown beneath the grinding wheels of a bus at the soonest available opportunity.

Ciao!

[ 30.01.2008, 15:07: Message edited by: ian .64 ]

Posts: 9378 | From: Wolverhampton | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
My name is Mumpo
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Ian has clearly 'sleep typed' the whole of that post.
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Loose Cannon ?
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Yes but there should have been a spoiler to warn us.
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ian .64
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Major is near enough correct, as the hazy, clump-funk of 'I Haven't Entirely Woken Up Yet' still pervades my grumpy senses.
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Wyatt Earp
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What I hate about the fuzzcopters is that they circle, so that as they recede you happily doze back off only to be reawakened as they swing back round. I've spent many a nighttime hour drifting between sleep and wakefulness, dreaming fitfully of owning a hand-held surface-to-air missile launcher.
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The cantering captain
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The couple of times there was fog in the forth last year, I've had an all night foghorn serenade. It's been just quiet enough not to wake me up, but enough to make me dream I'm communicating with the whales, which is strange, but oddly comforting.
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Femme Folle
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I live under the flight path of an airport. Small jets and other small planes with noisy engines regularly pass over my house. I rarely even notice any more. Sunday night a firetruck parked itself on the street in front of my house. There was something going on at the house across the street (apparently the people who live there smelled smoke, but it turned out to be just a smoking pilot light or something). Because it was midnight, they refrained from using the sirens, but what woke me up wasn't the idling diesel engine, but the flashing white and red lights that were dancing on the ceiling above my bed.
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Crusoe
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My bedroom window faces a T-junction. The main road heads into Camden, which means arguing couples and brawling drunks yelling their way home. In the other direction it leads up to a major hospital and a fire station. The other road at the junction leads eventually to a police station.

We're also fairly close to a couple of dodgy estates which get both the fuzzcopters and the screeching of joyriders every weekend.

The thing that seems to keep me awake the most, though, is the beam from the motion-sensitive lights outside the block constantly set off by attention-seeking foxes.

I don't get much sleep.

[ 30.01.2008, 14:51: Message edited by: Crusoe ]

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hobbes
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Have you tried blackout blinds?
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Crusoe
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If I could get to the window over my better half's piles of bags, clothing and shoes I'd give it a go.
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Croute au fromage et oeuf au plat
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I used to live just above one of the lines coming out of Piccadilly station, the usual Turbo commuter was not much bother but when you have a freighter train revving up at 4am (there is a "traffic light" on the line just where the block of flats is), it did shake you out of bed...
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