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Author Topic: Short cheese poem.
WornOldMotorbike
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Member # 1569

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I like Velveeta
But it's not really cheese-uh
Yet it melts good on toast
S'why I like it the most

Posts: 3858 | From: the head office of One Man's Opinion Corp. | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Loose Cannon ?
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There was a young Breton at sea
Who said I would kill for some brie
Instead I've got cheddar
With the texture of leather
And no-one takes pity on me

Posts: 1904 | From: a grassy knoll | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
WornOldMotorbike
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I've got a friend in the biz
Who's addicted to shit called Cheez Whiz
It's no great hell-ery
But it's quite nice on celery
No more spreadable cheese-food there is.

Posts: 3858 | From: the head office of One Man's Opinion Corp. | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
The cantering captain
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Cottage cheese,
Cottage cheese,
It's the cheese,
guaranteed to please.

Posts: 1476 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Wyatt Earp
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The name's intriguing: Danish Blue
The cheese that sounds like porn
But in the end it's Port Salut
Gives me the fucking horn.

Posts: 19927 | From: the Cryptic Cabal | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
What's the rumpus?
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There was a big fella known for being lairy
Until told he had an intolerance to diary
Now he's given up eating chunks of cheese
His stomach no longer hides his knees
And on weekends he goes by the name of Mary

Posts: 907 | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Barndoorio
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what dairys this
that's cow's keep us
far apart
a broken parmesan
or a broken heart

Posts: 5360 | From: Glorious Taunton | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
gerontophile
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I absolutely find the taste of Stilton,
Makes me roll with gay abandon on the Wilton.

Posts: 2278 | From: the nightflight to Venus | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Not me
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I like mature cheddar
Much more than Eddie Vedder
Who is a cunt.

Posts: 4303 | From: The Ministry of the New New Super Heavy Funk | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
gerontophile
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<applause>
Posts: 2278 | From: the nightflight to Venus | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Alderman Barnes
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Have you ever tried Tilsiter?
It tastes divine
But smells like dog shit
Somehow reminiscent of that film
Where Divine ate some dog shit
Some flatmates of mine
Stank the fridge out with it.

Posts: 4862 | From: the home of the Herzmeister | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Barndoorio
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what dairys this
that's cow's keep us
far apart
a broken parmesan
or a broken heart

Posts: 5360 | From: Glorious Taunton | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Alderman Barnes
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And here's a real one, especially for WOM:

Ode on the Mammoth Cheese Weighing over 7,000 Pounds
by James McIntyre (1827-1906)

We have seen the Queen of cheese,
Laying quietly at your ease,
Gently fanned by evening breeze --
Thy fair form no flies dare seize.

All gaily dressed soon you'll go
To the great Provincial Show,
To be admired by many a beau
In the city of Toronto.

Cows numerous as a swarm of bees --
Or as the leaves upon the trees --
It did require to make thee please,
And stand unrivalled Queen of Cheese.

May you not receive a scar as
We have heard that Mr. Harris
Intends to send you off as far as
The great World's show at Paris.

Of the youth -- beware of these --
For some of them might rudely squeeze
And bite your cheek; then songs or glees
We could not sing o' Queen of Cheese.

We'rt thou suspended from baloon,
You'd caste a shade, even at noon;
Folks would think it was the moon
About to fall and crush them soon.

Posts: 4862 | From: the home of the Herzmeister | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Don Malhumorado
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Dairylea's
The cheese for me
Stick your brie
Up your jacksie

Posts: 14591 | From: Paper Street | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Antonio Gramsci
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And THAT, Ladies and Gentleman, is also the finest poem ever written about the city of Toronto (although in modern local vernacular, the second verse no longer scans).

Thanks, AB, for digging that out - I spent a good half hour yesterday trying to remember the poem and find it for this thread. David Hyde Pierce once did a superb dramatic reading of it at the Just for Laughs Festival.

Posts: 1762 | From: the further reaches of sleep deprivation | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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