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» One Touch Football - Archive » World » I don't like falling asleep on the toilet (Page 2)

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Spearmint Rhino
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That's like the time we all had an end-of-year dinner for London Student newspaper in a Thai restaurant on Goodge St, and when it was time to go home we couldn't work out where Pete The Hippy was, and it turned out he'd fallen asleep in the bogs and had to be let out by one of the cleaners in the morning.

Um, carry on.

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Dr. Hofzinser
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I've fallen asleep on the bog many times, always through extreme drunkenness.
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My name is Mumpo
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It must only be possible on toilets near a wall. Surely there has to be something to lean against. The chances of settling in a posture that's sufficiently balanced to allow one to sleep must be very low, especially if one's sense of balance is impaired by inebriation.
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Dr. Hofzinser
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There's always the cistern to lean against.
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TV's 'Mr P'
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quote:
Who actually falls asleep on the toilet? Under what circumstances do you fall asleep on the toilet? Extreme exhaustion? Extreme inebriation? It's not the sort of spot you can just curl up on and doze off.
In my days as a graphic designer at British Gas (around twenty years back now), I used to nip to my favourite end cubicle in the gents for forty winks on quite a regular basis. As long as I didn't zone out completely, nobody was going to be any the wiser. The loos were quiet and, as one might expect, well-maintained, so why not?

(I used to 'adjust' my time clock as well - but that's another story...)

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ian .64
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One bum-connected fear I have is falling asleep on public transport. Okay, falling asleep/unconscious on the crapper is a sticky situation in more senses on one, but you have a fair degree of privacy when you come around, enough to rectify the situation.

Falling asleep on the metro on a time-consuming journey, say, is a bit of a risk really, considering that certain parts of your anatomy acquire a little bit of independence when you're under. Such as your gob. If you talk in your sleep ("No...uhnn...Mr. Danson..it'sh big enough...put...uuurrggh...put it away..."), then your fellow commuters will have a wry smile and something to tell the folks at work when they get there. And there's other parts of the body. Like your arse. Letting one off is a huge risk if you're asleep and your rump decides to have fun, freed from the control of your consciousness. Your fellow commuters nasal passages pay the price and you'll probably look a right numpty when you wake up. Before you say anything, no, I do not speak from personal experience - although I did get a fume-filled load from a bloke one morning on the tram as he burped while slumbering.

If people elect to sleep next to you on the bus or tram, can we pop around to their place and kip there when we feel like it?

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Femme Folle
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I once woke up on a BA flight to find myself sucking on my shirt collar. I had been dreaming I was kissing someone. Can't remember who.
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My name is Mumpo
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quote:
certain parts of your anatomy acquire a little bit of independence when you're under
My fear is that I'll fall asleep in a public place and become conspicuously priapic.
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Scotian42
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I used to fall asleep on the metro all the time when I was commuting into downtown DC. The rocking motion was always just enough to lull me into a light sleep. Somehow, I always managed to wake up just as we pulled out of my penultimate stop. I guess my internal clock was sensitive enough to know that I needed to wake up. And the sleep was rarely that sound - though once or twice I did suddenly jerk awake much to the surprise of my seatmate...
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blackdogbeak
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Not falling asleep, but you've brought to mind my grimmest toilet story.

Fella I vaguely know (friend of a friend type) gets back to his girlfriend's flat in a roaring state after a night on the town. Goes for a piss. He's stood there pissing, and realises he's going to be sick. As he starts to chuck, he stumbles back and lands on his arse, at which point he becomes horribly aware that he's shat himself and all. He's sat on the floor of his girlfriend's flat in an advanced state of confusion, covered in piss, vomit and clarts.

Before I detail his response to all this, I should point out this is some big burly fucker from Westhoughton - people from Bolton look down on Westhoughton as being full of hicks. Bolton.

Anyway, in his gloriously addled state, he decides the best way to sort this out would be to start pulling turds from his boxers with his hands and forcing them down the drain in the shower. In an absolutely classic flourish, it is at this point his missus walks into the bathroom to see what all the noise is about.

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Femme Folle
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I assume she quickly became his ex?
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Spearmint Rhino
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quote:
My fear is that I'll fall asleep in a public place and become conspicuously priapic.
As you get older, a bigger fear is becoming priapic in a private place then falling asleep.
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Ginger Yellow
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When I was living out in West London, I always used to fall asleep on the Hammersmith-Acton Town leg of the Piccadilly line.

I don't think I've ever fallen asleep on a toilet, although it's possible I just don't remember it. I've had quite a few 15 minute hangover naps on the floor of the disabled toilet at work, though.

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WornOldMotorbike
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I've fallen asleep drunk in the cubicle in one of those big-ass convention hotel washrooms. Ooo...that was a bad night.

But the best was at university, when this rich, beautiful, snotty, miserable, stuck-up c*nt of a girl came home drunk and passed out in the co-ed washroom with her pants around her ankles.

Two or three people were standing over her, trying to figure out what to do, when this lovely quiet, shy, 'wouldn't say shit if he had a mouthful' guy named Malcolm walked in, ran back out, and arrived back in about 5 seconds with his camera. He snapped a few shots and then said "We should help her now". Fucking gold.

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My name is Mumpo
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Not sure the punishment was entire commensurate with the crime there, to be honest.
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