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» One Touch Football - Archive » Sport » 100 not-entirely-great sporting moments (Page 2)

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Author Topic: 100 not-entirely-great sporting moments
fritz in a fez
Member # 911

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My cricket sporting moment was in the pupils v staff match.

I was fielding at deep mid-wicket when the cocky PE teacher hit a steepling shot high in the air but about 30 metres infield from where I was fielding.

I sprinted in at full pelt, dived full stretch and took a brilliant one handed catch six inches from the ground.

Triple roll , and then I jumped up as my team mates piled in my direction. At this point I noticed (and so did the rest of the team) that I'd dived full length through a pile of fresh dog shit.

Posts: 4815 | From: London | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
jason voorhees
Member # 79

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I have too many crappy memories in footy to last a lifetime (as I've played goalkeeper since age 7,) and believe me, they're all I remember and am haunted by.

I also have a pretty bad personality defect in which I immediately reject a sport if I'm not the best at it within seconds of playing it (the result of scoring 2 goals to win a game when I was 6, and also making a diving penalty kick save in my first practice against the older team in my first travelling season,) But since this is sport...

-1991 Senior Year: Volleyball Tournament
Playing and against the cuntsucker Junior team, who were the biggest bunch of douchebags, pricks, cunts, fuckfaces, and assholes the world hast ever seen. After we lost, I shook the net like the Ultimate Warrior, which inspired the douchebag guidance counseler Mr. Cavelli to scream "Stop shaking that net LIKE AN ANIMAL !!! FOR WE ARE NOT ANIMMAAALLLSSSS !!!" Actually, that last part was a great memory.

-1984 Little League Baseball
I was playing on a team of kids who were 2 years older, and for some reason my coach put me on first base (even though I couldn't catch) in a tie game with the bases loaded. They hit it right to the pitcher, who for the previous two innings would run it himself to the bag without throwing it to me. The coach yelled at him the previous two innings for doing it because it wasn't proper baseball. Unfortunatley, he listened to the coach for that last play. I could still see the look in his eyes as he was about to throw me the ball, of which he knew in his heart he was going to throw the game away. And that's exactly what happened. The fucking ball popped right out of my glove like a jumping frog, and two runs scored. That's the worst memory of my life. (I quit that night, but the coach said I made a commitment and he expected me there the next practice. Mr. B really was an angel, and I got better the next two years. He had me bunt and steal like I was Ozzie Smith and he was Whitey Herzog, but the damage really was done.)

-2006 Staff v Stundents basketball match
I hadn't played b-ball in probably 13 years, but I was making end-to-end layups and jumpshots like I played my whole life. Unfortunately, we ran out of gas against the spry 8th graders, and our 10-point lead shrunk to a 1-point deficit with no time left. With the principal and whole school looking, guess who got fouled to go to the line with no time left. Guess who never could make a foul shot to save his fucking life. Missed em both, and got laughed out of town. I still haven't been back to that school.

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Member # 60

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I sustained a serious hip injury in the changing room in 1999. We had just won a football match and were chasing each other around in victory, doing the "I am cunholio" thing, except with our belts tied around our knees so that we had to hop about. Anyway, I slipped, fell sideways and whacked my half naked hip bone on the concrete floor. I got up and was fine, but the next morning, and for the next six weeks, I couldn't walk properly and my leg was in a permanent state of light pins & needles. Turns out the whole thing was dislocated and lodged against a nerve. I had to go to the physio for three weeks to get it fixed back into position. I still feel it now when I get on a bicycle.

[ 26.01.2007, 01:20: Message edited by: bryannavaro ]

Posts: 8126 | From: la palude di amstel | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 40

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This is sports injuries really now, so I'll add one.

Caught on wrong side at a ruck, deserved a shoe-ing, but got a stamp from some bonehead who cracked, albeit very finely, my coccyx. It took half an hour for the feelings in my legs to return.

Loads of sympathy at the time, lots of concern as I was stretchered from the field and into an ambulance, but soon my broken bum became public knowledge and I was the object of pure ridicule.

Posts: 5389 | From: Cheshire with Love | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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75 minutes into a tough amateur footy match, I'm knackered. The oppo bring on this hulk of a substitute up front. I'm playing at Centre Half.

I thought "It I hit him with the bomb of a tackle off his first touch, he'll bottle it for the remainder of the game"

So the ball is played into this beast of a man, he turns and I slide in with a proper meaty tackle winning the ball.

The hulk is kicked up in the year and then lands square on my head. We end up with me lying prone of the floor with this behemoth of a striker sat on my head.

It didn't go as I planned.


Last year I guested in a 6-a-side cup game for some friends, played a blinder but it went to pens. I love pens. The skipper brought us all together and asked who wanted the first one. Silence. Having never missed a pen in 11-a-side I say I don't mind goign first.

The oppo go first and score. I step up and weakly shoot into the corner but the keeper saves it.

Game over, if was sudden death. Bah!

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Paxton Sprout
Member # 2169

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One-one in top of the table clash. They get a free-kick and I'm on the post. Crap free-kick bobbles past the wall towards me. No, problem says I. Hoof it clear, no wait a minute its going past the post so leave it.

I move out of the way and it did indeed go past the post and nestle in the corner, in ultra slow-mo.

Strange sort of paralysis came over my legs at the very last moment I realised it was going to trickle inside the post.

Frosty in the pub after.

Posts: 497 | From: where I'm standing behind the goal that was clearly offside | Registered: Dec 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PR7th Heaven
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It's our college third team's biggest game of the season, and I'm the captain and right back. We've not put any ringers in the side and are playing fair and square against the top team. It's 2-1 with five minutes to go thanks to a wicked free kick from our star striker.

Then the other side come in from the right wing. Our goalie's way off his line, and as is my wont, I'm sweeping up behind him. The ball sails over his head to me, standing on the goal line.

If I'm being honest, I haven't really played much football. After a few games for cubs and Sunday School, I never played at school, and only really got into it again at university. All told, I've probably played about 20 eleven a side games since I left primary school.

This is probably why it doesn't occur to me to head the ball clear off the line. Instead, I take the ball down on my chest, and am barged off it by the onrushing striker who bundles the ball home. I am on my backside in the goal, and the accusing eyes turn to me.

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The Purple Cow
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My worst moment in sport has already been detailed here.

Occasionaly I still wake up in the night covered in sweat when I think back to that afternoon, and if I'm ever in a social situation where I'm not in a position to laugh at something funny, it's that memory I conjure up to help me get through.

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Alania Vladikavkaz Satie
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After a man of the match style performance in the school 2nd team "poss v prob" trial game Im selected to play right wing in the next match. Replacing one of the school "characters".
With an after school kick off it comes as a surprise to find the left backs had to go home

Im asked to fill in at left back and being the new boy agree. Which allows the "character" to return in the number seven shirt.

Now the Dutch concept of "total football" was a couple of years in the future and a lot further away than that in the first half.
Two down at half time, both coming from their right winger and im grateful to be substituted.

Back then I blamed the school coaching system for robbing english football of one of its finest wingers due to an elementary selection i blame the character who confessed in a SW7 pub 20 years later to the amount of intimidation required to make the left back feign illness.

[ 07.03.2007, 17:23: Message edited by: lottery loverat ]

Posts: 1754 | From: The Magic Carpet. | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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